The funnier side of Althist world: episode 3.5!
My idea! This is suposed to be a comedic TL takeing the rise out of some of the more daft TLs I've seen out there (including some on ourr 'plausable' counterpart to). Backstory Nepolion's deams ly in ruins under the UK and Prussia (Germany), oh yeah! The time line '1815' The Coalition collapses due to conspiracy and resentment between the members, and soon France has occupied most of western Europe except for Prussia which it has wanted as an official trading and military partner, and Prussia is allowed to annex the German city- states and form the German Empire, which quickly signs a trading and military treaty with France. In America, which had sided with the Coalition, anarchy is near control due to the Coalitions defeat, making French hatred of the United States grow hugely and due to Canada being French as well as British Colombia and Vancouver bordering the USA along its entire northern border. The Chinese Empiorer is temporaly ill with a bunion after visting Shanhai for 2 weeks. '1816.0' The USA: Expansion and settling westward is greatly encouraged by the defeated American government, and the Indians are dealt with less humanley than even the worse timelines, being wiped out of the United States or herded onto small reservations. 1864.6 In Winter, 1864, just after the South wins its war for independance. '1876.0' * The CSA: North Baja, South Baja, Chihuahua, and Sonora join the Confederacy, giving it 22 states. The armed forces and navy continue to be modernized and equipped with the latest weapons, mostly the Jeff Davis Repeating Rifle and the Heavier Jeff Davis Artillery and Cannon. The Transcontinental Railroad and Telegraph lines are completed. '1876.5' *The CSA: Expansion and modernization of the armed forces continues. '1880' *The USA loses Texas to Texan sescessionists. *Germany invades France, in the east. '1881' *Germany takes Paris, and France and all of its Empire is annexed into Germany. Germany turns its eyes greedily torwards Russia, and begins a massive military buildup. *The USA loses the Carolinas, Virgnia, Tennessee, Florida, Kentucky, and Georgia to sesessionists, which reform the Confederate States fo America and ally with Texas. The USA invades the northern CSA and Texas, casuing Northern Texas and the northern CSA to fall to American troops, but also causing Mississippii, Alabama, Louisinia, Arkansas, and the Indian Territories to joi the CSA, which has this as its flag: *Britain increases troops levels in Canada, and seeing that this is Americas second Civil War in 20 years, recognizes the CSA and Texas, stating that "Americas gonna die eventualy, why not now?", and sends troops to the CSA and Texas, which begins to slow the American advance. Britsh troops invade the northern USA from Canada and open up a seconf front, and Mexico soon joins to regain California, Arizona, and New Mexico, and Mexican troops invade the southern USA. '1882' * The Americans are froced to withdraw more and more trops from the CSA and Texas to deal with Mexican and British attacks, and a peace deal is brokered with the CSA and Texas giving both independance as well as all territoires which seceded to those two nations in retunr for troops to help agsint Mexico and Britain. Both accept, and both Texas and the CSA declare war on Mexico and Britain, with Texan troops invading Mexico and securing the land east of the Rio Grande as well as Tamalupes, Nuevo Leon and Coahuila. American adn Confederate troops counter attack the Mexicans and force them from American soil, invading western Mexico and occupying Sonora, Chihuahua, and all of Baja Claifornia, which is annexed by the USA as payment for the war, and Mexico begins to collapse as various rebels begin to delcare indepednace as statelets begin to form. Britain moves in and sets up a puppet state from the remaining land and signs a peace treaty with the USA which leaves the Anglo-American border as it was befoer the war. *Germany continues its military buildup. '1883' *Portuguese Mozambique moves inland slightly and clashes with Shona tribesmen. *The Boer republics of Orange Free State and Transvaal jointly push moderately northwards and westward towards OTL Zimbabwe and OTL Caprivi Strip. *The Shona Tribe push heavy south and west. The have violent clashes with Portugal and the Boers. The just about beat the Portuguese off, but only get a draw with the Boers. *Buganda arms itself and conquers several Nilotic tribes in OTL northern Uganda. *Chile begins to improve its copper and lead mining techniques slightly to improve production. *The Mamba state begins to organise itself and rallies local tribes against a imminent Portuguese expansion. *The Oyo Empire and the Kingdom of Dahomey expand north and eastward. They clash briefly on their common border. *The Mwata Kazembe and Bemba states unite and set about forming a proper, fully settled society, like the Oyo, BaKongo, Dahomey, Egypt and Morocco had already done years earlier. '1884' *Britan annexes its puppet state in Mexico. *Germany continues its military buildup. *Russia annexes its area of influence in China, causing China to declare war, cousing the start of the Sino-Russian War, whihc is largely a bloody stalmate due tothe frigid terrain. '1885' *Japan take Central Shakhlin Island. *Argentia improves agriculture and starts its military buildup. Border clashes occer with Parguay. *The United States puts its differences aside with Texas and the CSA and offers them an allaince to split Mexico between them and to conquer Canada while the CSA gains all of Britains Carribean and Atalntic Ocean possessions (Bermuda and the Falkand Islands), both accept, and US, CS, and Texan troops begin to mass on the Canadian and Mexican borders. *The Oyo move east and Abbasinya reaches the coast. '1886' *The Confederate-Texan-American (North American) Alliance declare war on Britain and laucnh an ianvasion of Mexico and Canada, and the offensive is succesful in Mexico, where most of it is overrun except for the Yucatan, which is heald by stubborn Britsh resistance while Canada is overrun in the west while the east is much harder to take, and North American troops occupy most of western Canada and prepare to invade from the west into Ontario and from the south into the Canadian heartland. *Seeing Russia caught up in its war with China, Germany invades western Russia and using blitzkrieg advances deep into Russian territory, conquering almost half of Euroepan Russia, and the Chinese decide to launch an offensive at the same time, which throws the Russians off balance and allows by massive gains by the Chinese army and the conquest of most of Siberia, which cuts Russia off almost completley fromm the Pacific Ocean. '1887' *Mwata Kazembe and Bemba conqure most of OTL Malawi. *Morocco pushes south of it's borders, but only by 33% of it's territory due to the desertyfyed and hot climate. *Thiland re-annexes the breakaway Lao states of Viencheang and Lumprabang. . '1888' *The British Empire makes a mass recruiting drive and try to hold on to Canada. Canada's army becomes very active. The Americans are held back in the Yukon and eastern Canada, with heavy losses on both sides due to the frigid weather. Canada lays clame to the northern Islands, apart from Greenland, which stays Danish. *Belgian doubeles it's territotial holdings in the Congo Free State. *The Koazim, Kiva, Tashkent and Bukhara emirates form a mutual alliance against invasion and amp up there military by buying British and Portuguese guns. *The Yoruba Empire marches on the Oyo Empire and dose battle, but it's a draw. *Argentina invades and defeats Paraguay, with Bolivian help. Bolivia gets the Chaigo, the rest goes to Argentina. *Romania amps up it's armed forces and seriosly fortifys it's borders with Russia and Austro-Humgary. *Costa Rica asks for Spanish protection as it ramps up it's military over concerns with Mexico's fall. *A cholera outbreak kill 1% of Colombia's urban slum population. *Date and fig farming is inproved after major irregation work is done in costal Oman, leading to bumper harvests. '1889' *Nicaragua arms it's troops with the latest Italian and Spanish arms. *Spain strengthens the arms defences of it's garrisons in Cuba and Puerto Rica. *Venezuela annexes the Netherlands Antilles. *The Tuareg tribal desert confederation of Azawad becomes more cohesive. *Abyssinia/Ethiopia expands by 10% towards OTL Djibouti. *The British annex the western 20% of the nation in costal OTL Pakistan. It's tough, due to the desertic land. *Seeing the war as lost, Britan cedes west Canada and Mexico to the Texan-CS-US Alliance while the Yuacatan is split with the CSA. '1890' *Spain sets up the costal part of Spanish Sahara, but not Reo de Oro. It dubbed it's African enclave, after measles kills 10% of the tribesmen by accident. *The UK, Oman and Persia divide the costal Pakistani state on a 45%/30%/25% basis and neutralise the border zones. *British forays in to Afghanistan are repelled by Pashtun fighters, dysentery in the well water and the rugged terrain. *The American Powers (CSA, USA, and Texas), begin to build up troops on the Canadian border as well as the Yucatan border. *Canadian, Jamaican and Yucatan forces go in to hyper-red alert. and prepar for battel. Mass recruitig starts up. British, British Indian and New Foundland forces dig in across New Foundland. '1891' *The North American Alliance invades Canada and the Yucatan, and the Yucatan is overrun while NAA marines take Jamaica. Newfoundland is left till te last thinjg on the list, and after Quebec is promised independent, Quebec revolts and declares independent, as well as joining the NAA, and soon Quebecois troops elp conquer the Maritime provinces and the Canadian eastern seaboared, while NAA troops conquer the west and Ontario, and Canada falls to NAA troops. Britain is offered to Newfoundland Island to keep if it cedes Canada, the Yucatan, adn Jamaica to the NAA, which Britain accepts furiously, and begins a period of self imposed isolation. Typhoons cause heavy floodfs and 60 deaths in Shandong Province, China. Aid comes from the Spanish Philopinses and French Indochina. '1892' *The Afro-nation of Sokoto is inspired by the other states and begins to advance in to OTL northern Cameroon.User:The River Nile-2 *Abyssinia moves in to The Ogaden slightly. *The Turkish Empire take the Costal land between Egypt and Abyssinia. *Brazil arms it's border with new larger Argentina. *Ukrainian rebels take over the Crimea after a mass revolt by the peasantry and Cossack in the Yayla mountains, Kerch town and the Perricop peninsula *Italy improves it's infastructere and roads. They begin to arm them selves and up grade their horse cavalry. *The British successfully negotiate the retention of the Polar Ellesmere Island (Inuit: Umingmak Nuna, meaning "land of Muskox"). *Norway-Sweeden annexes Spitsburgen. '1893' *Nicaragua trains up it's army in covert warfare. *The Karnem empier exspands in to the Lake Chad area. Clashes also occer with the near by Bornem empier. *A good rainy season leads to the increased harvests in Egypt, Tuareg Arazad, Karem, Sokoto, Bornem and Abassynia. The civilizations grow rapidly. *The Boers now move outposts in to N.E. Botswana. *The Kingdom of Ache in Sumatra re-organises it's local malltias and royal boddy guards ot make them more combat ready. '1894' *The Mwata Kazembe and Bemba states consolidate the grip on their new empire. *The Shona Empire advances to the border of the next door Portuguese lands and Boer republics. *Romania, Serbia, Russia and Bulgaria singe a mutual defence and free trade agreement. *El Salvador amps up for any future conflict and improve its covert war techniques. *Belgium amps up for any future conflict and fortify its borders. *Serbia amps up for any future conflict and fortify its borders. *Russia amps up for any future conflict and improve its horse cavalry. *Spain amps up for any future conflict and improve its horse cavalry. *Portugal pushes Angola’s borders to as far as the borders of the many numerous native kingdoms in the east of OTL Angola. Portugal also amps up for any future conflict and improve its covert war techniques. *Romania amps up for any future conflict and fortify its borders. '1895' *Cholera and measles devastates OTL Cameroon. German settlers, the Yoruba kingdom and Sokoto are less affected than the other minor tribes of the jungle interior and advance in to it. *A mild winter causes a good harvest in Texas and Kansas. *Venezuela annexes long disputed western Guyana. *The Islamic Emirate of Asaward clams some lands to the south east and forms an alliance with the Ringbat-Hyassyn Arab Emirate. *The Kongo and Mamba states prepare for war with the growing Portuguese Angola. *Siam/Thailand makes a series of brief incursions in to southern Burma/Myamar. * Denmark buys south west Elsmere island in exchange for an equal amount of land on Greenland’s north coast, to which the British agree. 1896 * Spain and portugal increase there navel strength slightly and secure there colonies. * Greece offers a potectorate to Monti Negro, who takes it. * The Emirate on the coast of OTL Turkmenistan joins forces with Kiva and it's alies and raids the Afghan border zones. 1897 *Agriculture prices everywhere fall. Farmers everywhere begin moving to the cities to try and get jobs. Unemployment in the US is 9%, Britain is 8%, France is 11%, Germany is 9%, Russia is 10%, Spain is 11%, Portugal is 13%, and Italy is 9%. Governments everywhere are panicing and many are coming up with new plans to fix the economies. *Factories everywhere get a small boost thanks to the new influx of workers. Wages colapse, and many people can't feed their family. '1898' *There is a major global period of rebellion, strikes, riot and mutiny. Primitive and pre-cash/feudal places like Bhutan, Papua and Buganda do as well usual as the Western World, South America and Russia enter temporary Chaos. *Sokoto and the Yoruba secure their conquests and began to intergrate the defeated occupied people in to socity. *Buganda takes over the whole of OTL Uganda that is lime green unorganized tribal lands on this map. Peace deals are negotiated with nighboring African tribal states. *The Kongo Empire and Mamba state attack Portuguese Angola. The colonial forces fulter and retreated. *France and the yet to be Poland bloody rebel against German rule. OTL Gascony and Vichy France become free along with the north coast of Tunisia. A zone about the size of Cyprus is formed around the Polish city of Poznan after a nationalistic peasant rebellion. *A short left wing cartwright’s strike hits Rome, Pizza, Ravenna, Milan and Napoli. *The nations of Central America form a fiscal and monitory union, free trade zone, mutual defence pact and all amp up slightly for war. *Proto-Communists are massacred in a anti-T'zarist risings in Irkutsk and Kirov. Class war and anti-royal/anti-toffs/anti-nobility rallies hit the streets of Russia. *Nova Scotia blames the Americans for it's heavy losses in the economic crash and declares UDI and becomes a willing allies of the British. *Heavy sectarian riots occur in Dublin and Belfast and are broken up by the British army. *Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxembourg form a fiscal and monitory union, free trade zone, mutual defence pact and all amp up slightly for fighting rioters from neighbouring nations. * Denmark later joins the "Low Countries Security Block" formed by Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxembourg. * Papua's lime green tribal unorganized zone unifies in to a primative pricipality and begins to develop cultualy. '1899' *The Kingdom of Ankole rises and faces of Buganda. It makes an alliance with Kingdom of Rwanda and the Kingdom of Burundia *Buganda absorbs the Busoga Kingdom. Alliance with are carved out with the rest of the neighboring Kingdoms. *Abyssinia finishes its advance northward calming the 'tribal' patch to the north west of the Ottoman enclave in OTL Sudan. *Fascists, Socialists, Communists and Anarchists clash on the streets of Chicago, New York, L.A., Baltimore and Nashville as Urban poverty hits hard. The mixture of harsh laws and a public works plan help mitigate the influx of rural poor. *Portugal has a cool idea, send it's poor to a new life in Mozambique. They can carve a new life out surviving as best as they can in the lands east of Lake Tanganyika Malawi ( I agree with the map makers, that is the nearest and more likley) and north of the Shona nation. Some are also sent to prop up rule in Cape Verde, Portuguese Guiné and Angola. *A national manufacturing strike hits the British Isles, Bohemia and Moravia. *A national farmer's strike hits Free France and Hungary. *The Polish "Poznan plebian peoples' republic" blends proto-Communism and Polish nationalism. They upgrade their ad-hock national militia. '1900' *Riots occur in Dheli as cotton growers get malcontent, jobless, poor and bored. *The UK declais the Swahili coast a British protctorate. *America's national public works plan slashes joblessness to only 6% and reduces povaty. *Portugal's Mozambique plan slashes joblessness to only 5.5% and reduces povaty. *The German colonial grip folds in the face of a bloodstained and oftern deadly uprising in Pskov. OTL Pskov Oblast forms a indipendent Russian nationalist nation. The Russian Cossacks slipp in to the German Imperial guards with sniper fier and stelth at both Pskov and near by Narva. *The Chines Empire and the Empire of Japan faces financial problems due to the lack of trade with Europe and North America. '1901' *Seeing how much unity exists, Texas and the CSA unite to to fomr a larger CSA. *Germany manages to stop the rebellious feeling in its empire by ceding its Russian lands minus Poland to Sweden. Germany reoccupies southern France and to get rid of both the diastouous attempt at colonialism and allow troops to get qwg=here they are needed quickly, all German Colonies outside fo Europe are ceded to the USA while its Paupa New Guinie colony goes to the CSA. A 20 year integration plan begins while all rebels in the Empire are killed or arrested, altohugh most are arrested and sent into exile in the wastelands of Siberia. *Seeing southern France fall leads to Italy takeing the oppertunity to annex and intigrate Corscica and French held Northern Tunisia. '1902' *Songhai Empire begins slowly expanding by a 1 pixel line in eash direction. *The Igbo tribal state drives the inexsperienced emergant American regime in southern Camaroon to the coastline in a ferrousiouce supprise attack. *The Tribes of OTL Nigeria gather and propse a confederacy called "Isa Ber" the Hausa language (English:"big river") named after the River Niger. It is anti-colonialist in nature. Only the Igbo refuse to join. *The UK econamy picks up due to new trade with Swahililand. *Austro-Hungary fortifys it's border with Romania. '1903' *The tribes of Niger and Nigeria south of and including Sockoto form the multi-etnic anti-colonial "Isa Ber" Confederation. The kingdom of Dahomey and the Igbo state do not join in. *The German/French modernisation plan cuts poverty and brings unemployment to only 6.5% *Austro-Hungary founds a 1 pixel colony in the Hadramat, but it barley works. *Australia annexes the uncamifyed New Caledonia island. *Portugal attacks the Kongo Kingdom and causes heavy losses. *The Boers annex northern OTL Botswana. *The British set up a protectorate in southern OTL Botswana. *Cholera causes many deaths in Burma. '1904' *The UK grants southern Ireland home rule, under which the Irish people are freed from centries of Protestant abuse after the government finds out the truth about the resent rioting in Belfast and Dublin. *Austro-Hungary’s economy picks up due to rising trade with Germany and they grant home rule to Bosnia and Dalmatia after a rise in naionalist centiments. *Switzerland economy picks up due to rising trade with Germany. *Feeling overstretched, the USA grants it’s holding in Namibia to the UK (south) and Portugal (north). *Portugal starts trading with the various native city states and tribal kingdoms of Lake Tanganyika and Lake Malawi. Portugal slightly expands its clams in Portuguese Guinea (by 6 pixels) and sends delegates to the Songhai Empire in the hope of cutting an alliance and trade deal. *The Mwata Kazembe and Bemba states develop there joint empier's social-political system, violently fill out the northern 'dent' so it is more of a box shape than a 'L' shape and engage in trade with Portugal. *The Labrador Coast rebels against American occupation. *The USA returns the Canadian arctic islands and the Labrador Coast. they agree to a formal peace treaty with the UK *A tribal rebellion with in the American zone situated in OTL Mauritania, with French ex-pats setting up a French free state along the coast and the Ringbat-Hayassa Arabs driving south to liberate the rebelling Moors in the long thin inland bit, with Azawad Tuareg help. *Serbia, Romania, Bulgaria and Monte Negro form a mutual defence alliance, free trade block and economic union. *Spain starts a public works campaign and spends a lot of time developing Cuba and the Pilipino island of Luzon for cut price sugar farming. *Banda Ache starts trading wood and exsotic sea shells with the Dutch. *Italy, Greece, the Ottoman Empire (Turkey), Japan, Thailand (Siam), Abyssinia (Ethiopia), Buganda and the Afrikaners (Boers) consolidate their holdings and develop there territory’s infrastructure. *China continues to slip in to economic and political decline due to the rioting peasantry and coolies doing no work since they all lost the jobs in the economic crash. *Russians citizens successfully rebel against Chinese rule in Vladivostok, Khabarovsk and Chita. '1905' *Germany starts biulding new airships called Zeplins. It improves it's infantry and artillery. *Spain continues with it's public works campainge. It improves it's infantry and artillery. *Japan improves it's navy. *Ireland It improves it's infastructure and rural road network. '1906' *Spain continues to develope farming and irrigation in the south and Basque countery. Spanish Saharah streches from the Moroccan coast line to the Free French Coastline. *The USA negotiates an an alliance with the Igbo. * A Russian nationalist rebelion retakes all OTL Russian Federation land that is Sweedish held. Sweeden give the Ukraine it's indipendence. *Anti-Zarist rioters are crushed in Baku./ *The Abassinyans improve ther infrastructure and make an aliance with the UK. *The Turkish Empier gives Arabs more human rights. *Buganda exspands bloodly by 10% of it's size to the north in to tribal land. '1907' *Angola and the Kongo/Mamab alliance clash with Portugal again. The other states ajasent to the Mamba form a tempory alliance against the Portugese. It is a horrific stalemat and all sides sing a formal peace treaty ratterfying the status quo boundries. *Bolivia and Peru singe a free tade agreement. * Spain, Portugal, the CSA, Italy, the French Free State, Greece and the Ashanti Kingdom singe a free tade agreement. *Abasynia takes all the lime green land to the Eritrean coastline. *Buganda cuts trade deals with British, Turkish, Abasynians, Swahili and Ruwandans. It's got a new ecanomic objective now. *Buganda's rivels being to increase national intigration in order to equil it's might. *Thailand amps up for any war with a colapsing China and sings a mutual defence and free trade deal with Malay states and Burma. *The Netherlands improves the poerts in it's self, Java and Suriname. *China gives it's russian territory indipendence. *Germany develops it's railways. *Italy develops it's railways. *The USA develops it's railways. *British forces start to forcibly take over the Somali coast near Mogadishu. A protectorate is offered to the more peacible people of the interior and Ogaden, who fear conquest by Abassynia. The British develop both thier own and India's railways. *Yemen demands indipendence from Turkey and people protest in the streats on mass. '1908' *The USA conquers Hawaii and declares war on Cenrtal Ameri a, which is easily conquered until US troops reach the Colombian border, and at the orders of the President, US troops conquer that country as well, and troop levels in the entire USA reaches 8 milllion men. Seeing that the they will fall eventualy, all of SOuth America agrees to unite with the USA except for Brazil, which is a close US ally. *Germany invades Austria-Hungary and takes Vieena in a huge lightning campiegn foricng the Autro-Hungarian goverment to surrender and the Empire is annexed by Germany and united with the German EMpire. '1909' *Agentina gets rebeluiouse and Patigonia rises. The USA chruses the revolt brutaly, but gives southern Argentina home rule. *Ireland becomes fully indipendent. *Italy quckly takes over Ottoman Libya's coast line. *Romania, Bulgaria and Serbia unite as a singel confedracy and take on Germany/Austria, and Bosnia is liberated. It joins the Confedracy. *Albania declais UDI fom turkey and a civil war insues in Albania. *The Ashanti Empier aquiers Portuges and Spanish Guns. *The netherland holds on to Surinam, just. *Belgium, the Netherland and Luxembourg form a singl country called "The Low Coutries". *''Story continues in- The funnier side of Althist world: Part 2!.'' Category:Timelines Category:Humor Category:Map Games